ASHLYNN & BOSTON: putting on my oxygen mask

The past few years (three to be exact) our parenting schedule that Michael and I have had was that he would fly in and stay at his parents and Boston would stay with him for four days once every two months. If you were to do the math that was only six times a year that she was away from me. In June he moved only two ish hours away so he has been spending a little more time with her. I actually prefer this way.... shorter visits but more frequent, I think it gives her a better chance of getting to know him and remembering him, building a better relationship with her 'dad. So, if you were to do the math again I went from six times a year to not being with Boston to a bit more.

I was REALLY sad about this transition at first... real sad. And people would say to me, "It's going to be so good for you, you need a little break," and actually that comment pissed me right off. I love her, a lot, why would I want a break from her? If you are a coffee lover and someone told you to take a break from it because it would be good for you I bet you would be annoyed.

Anyways, the first little weekend all I did was sit at home and watched Lifetime movie after Lifetime movie. The next weekend I went to dinner with my sister and on a hike with a few co-workers. Slowly I began going out a little, going on a few dates, taking amazing naps, meeting new friends, even going to a few parties.... all things that I gladly gave up back in 2011 to be a mom. Now, don't get me wrong I would rather soak in every moment of Boston's childhood and keep it all to myself. But her getting the opportunity to know her 'dad is a good thing. My dad died when I was young and their is so much I wish I knew about him. Also, it is a good thing because I get to work on me a little bit during her short visits to his home. I like hanging out with adult friends occasionally, I like going to a party, it is a lot easier to hike up a mountain without a 30 pound person on your back.

I heard the other day about how when you are flying and they give the instructions on what to do if their is an emergency that they say to put on your oxygen mask first and your child's second because you have to be okay yourself in order to save them. I think since Boston has been born I have been so stressed out about her being raised by just her mom that I have overcompensated and worked so hard on making sure life is perfect for her that I haven't really had a lot of time to work on myself. So, I have worked on myself a little the past few months and it surprisingly has felt okay.

The little bits of times that she isn't with me I was worried I wouldn't still feel like a mom. But, I still wake up and do her laundry, feed her cat, clean her room. When she isn't with me is when she is in my mind even more.... being a mom means you are never really alone in your thoughts.

This was a long post... sorry... Boston is spending today with her 'dad and I didn't wake up till ten am. And, I'll tell you what it felt pretty good. I miss her and I would rather be with her but I am choosing to look at the fact that for the first time in a couple years I am getting the opportunity to put my oxygen mask on and work on myself. You have to look on the bright side, right? I mean their is a silver lining to every situation no matter what it is, and from personal experience I know that your eyes don't ever get burnt from looking at the bright side.

XO:
Ashlynn

I am going to do something I never do and post just a few pictures of what I have done lately.
movie night with my sister.