Being a mom is one of the most beautiful, rewarding, amazing, incredible things that someone can ever be on this planet. I remember my whole 21 years of non-motherhood life thinking about how wonderful it was going to be to have a baby of my own. Someone who is a mini-me and who looks like me and thinks im the greatest thing that has ever walked the planet. When people asked me what I wanted to do with my life my reply was always 'be a mom'. It still is. But the one thing that you are NEVER prepared for is the first two months of motherhood. I dont think I took one picture of myself the first two months. I was a disaster to put it lightly. Nobody tells you that you will be bleeding for a month straight and that you will literally-literally-literally be running on 0% sleep. You WILL feel like a zombie. I cried every single day, sometimes twice a day and wondered what is the matter with me? I have this beautiful baby boy who is what i have been waiting for for 21 years and im bawling every day? I wanted a break from him but if someone even took him to hold him as i stood right there i had anxiety. I couldn't let anybody watch him while i took a nap because I was nervous that he wasn't going to be ok. I thought that if I needed a break I was a 'bad mom'. Oh boy.... that's about the time my mom gave me the book 'its ok to take a nap'. Greatest thing ever. Even though it didn't immediately sink in, I understood that I wasn't alone. My son got RSV and had to be hospitalized 3 seperate times in the first 3 months (once again, felt like a bad mom). I should have hibernated even more with him. UGHHH so hard to have a baby in the winter time- never again.
After the first two months I began to climb out of my hormonal depression and truly enjoy motherhood. It has its challenges every single day but boy am I glad I have my son. The first and probably biggest lesson he taught me is that mom's HAVE to be self-less. Its a lesson I wish I could have had my whole life, but unfortunately I was selfish. In every way. Mainly because I never had another person to worry about. But mostly because I just was. The second lesson he taught me is that little eyes are ALWAYS on you. I am a lot more careful with how I interact with people. I choose my words wisely, I try not to cry in front of him, I try to never loose my cool with people, etc. I certainly am not perfect but I learned very quickly that he is watching me 24/7.
Now that I have listed my struggles I want to brag and bathe in the joys of motherhood.
1. My son thinks I am THE coolest thing that has ever existed (love it!)
2. My son thinks I am super dooper funny
3. He makes me smile even when I feel like crying
4. He is super smart
5. He has empathy (when he sees someone sad he gets sad) what a tender little heart he has!
6. I am never lonely
7. I feel important
8. I feel needed every day- this one is huge for me, it gives me such self purpose and self worth
9. My dream of having a baby came true!
10. The no-sleep thing gets easier! Now I wake up to take care of him in the middle of the night and am back in bed snoozing before I even realize it.
11. People are SOOO SUPER nice to you if you have a baby- 'here, let me get that door for you' 'oh, you go ahead of me' 'please, you take the last candy bar' lol etc etc etc.
12. Nursing made me loose 45 lbs in 2 months- baby weight? what are you talking about im skinnier than i was before I got pregnant (thanks lil baby!)
13. It has made my husband and I's relationship so much stronger and more loving. And mind you we were way in love before our baby- hence us being married.
14. A baby is just everything they tell you and more. The moment you first see your baby it is a feeling that nobody can ever put into words. Its like the Grinch when his heart grows a bunch of sizes.... yeah your heart literally grows and you feel a type of love that you have never felt before.
Even though I said the first two months are super hard- at about 5 months when they can start to entertain themselves and make noise and think things are way funny things get sooo fun! lately I feel like its almost been (dare I say..) easy.
I could go on forever about how awesome being a mom is. It definitely has its challenges but at the end of the day are you ever mad that you're a mom? nope, never.
<3
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