If I didn't have Boston

I was doing the budget for the month (which I hate doing), I was figuring the typical bills, rent, groceries, utilities, insurance's, ect... Then I started figuring out my 'Boston Bills'... Pull up's, wipes, her treats, kids club, her clothes ect.. Then I had the most selfish thought ever sneak into my brain... How I would have so much more money if it weren't for Boston. Instead of $50.00 for diapers or pull-ups that could be money for new pants. I let that thought go wild and thought if I didn't have Boston I would be completely done with school, I would be making more money, I would travel more... If I didn't have Boston I would get full nights of sleep, my hair would be done more than in a messy ponytail and I would stress less..

I let this thought process go for less than a minute and I am positive I have never felt more guilty in my life (please please please tell me that I am not the only parent who has thought this?). I went and picked her up and apologized to her in my mind for even thinking it.  I wouldn't trade her morning hugs, nighttime cuddles, for any pair of expensive pants. Hearing her say, "mamma" is so much better than any amount of money. When I am old and am dying I am not going to want to hold a college diploma in my last minutes but I will want to be with those I love. ...I will travel with her, I will finish school for her and I will make more money for us. If I didn't have Boston my life would be a lot of things but better is  definitely not one of them.

Ashlynn

Seriously though.... Please tell me if you are a parent you have had at least one selfish though like this? I am the worst person in the world, I'm still feeling guilty.