Something Personal

I am going to do something I haven't done on here for a bit and write about something personal to me... I may get some slack, I may receive an 'anonymous' comment, but due to some awesome computer savy friends anonymous doesn't remain anonymous, so I'm not too worried about that, but I want to write about this subject anyways.

I'm going to rewind to a little over three years ago... I was pregnant and trying to prepare for a new baby alone but luckily with the help with friends and family. Ya know, Boston's 'dad wasn't doing what he could have been doing at the time, but that isn't my business to write about and those who know well they already know. I am going to give him credit and say that while I was in labor for that long 24 hours he was there, and the week Boston and I spent in the NICU he was also there. I knew since I was in my teens I wanted my child to have the name, "Boston" so that part was out of the way, but I contemplated over and over what her last name should be. Most cases the child takes their dads last name, but in all of those cases those parents are married. I debated and I prayed about it. I wanted what would be best for her. I talked to her 'dad about it when I came to the conclusion that her last name was going to be, "Bronson". I felt really good about that decision; I was excited to pass along the last name that I shared with my late father, with her. Boston's other parent did not care. While we were filling out her birth certificate a hospital staff watched us... they watched him sign his name as the father and mine as the mother and as I filled out "Boston Sophia Bronson" for her name. Now some unpleasant things were happening when he left the hospital room Boston and I were in but at the time I had zero idea about them (once again, it was a while ago but those who know well they know what was going on in the hospital parking lot)... So, to even say that I put my last name over his to be spiteful is just ridiculous. She is three years old, she knows her whole name and it honestly breaks my heart when someone tries to tell her it is something different or that mom did it to make 'dad feel bad and he didn't know about it. Just to clarify I owe this explanation to NO ONE... those who know, well they know, (I sound repetitive) but sometimes it is easier just to write it on your darn blog and feel slightly better about it.

What also breaks my heart is when someone uses my child as a weapon...  I heard once that the pen is stronger than the sword... but even stronger than the pen is someone using your own child as a sick ploy to hurt you. Ya know, that sucks. It sucked the first time it happened and it hurts when it still happens. It is misleading and disrespectful and even more transparent of why someone would do that. But at some point you realize that is all some people can do... maybe they are unhappy? Who knows. From my personal experience happy people don't go out of their way to hurt people? but I could be wrong....

So, thank you for letting me share something personal that I have been dealing with in my life lately. It isn't fun but I am pretty happy today and feeling fortunate that I have someone on my team right now fighting so that I wont be dealing with this the rest of my life. Co-parenting is hard...(do I really even call it that though in my situation...?) but it just makes it so much harder when dealing with an antagonizer.

Anyways... for real, done with the venting. I am happy. My daughter is happy. And I have worked pretty darn hard to make sure we both are. Thank you for the support you have shown my daughter and myself the last few years. I am pushing 'publish' on this post and I am nervous but sometimes you just need to.

XO:
Ashlynn&Boston
BRONSON.... (and I am pretty proud of that)