*I will freak out, like literally lose my cool and see red, if you EVER refer to my child as, "baggage" but, on the same time I get not wanting to date me. I will ALWAYS choose her over you. I am an educated and articulate woman but the moment you complain about my baby, even unintentionally, I will (and I have) lose any manners and class my parents raised me with I have and let you know that was something you shouldn't have done.
*I am not loaded with money. I think people assume that because I receive child support from Boston's dad and I have a job I must be loaded. But seriously, parents, you get it... kids are so expensive. As soon as you are out of the diaper and formula phase the pre-school and dance class phase and it keeps going up from there.
*I like to believe I am tough, I like to tell people I am tough. I can do the all-nighters without the help of a significant other, I did most all of the diaper changes, I deal with it all by myself. I am lying when I say I do it all by myself because I really do have the most top notch support system. My parents, siblings, uncles, aunts, older nephews and nieces, and friends have all helped me more than I probably deserve.
*My main conversations are with a three year old... not a three year old and another adult in the house, just a three year old. I love what a great bond we have and I will forever be thankful for all of the just mom and Boston time we get to share but in return I will also ask you if your tummy hurts when you say you don't feel well and on occasion reprehend my adult friends. And, unless you are talking to me about Daniel Tigers Neighborhood or the Palace Pets I probably don't know what happened on the newest episode of the show everyone just watched.
*When it comes to dating... I am self-destructive. I don't know how/if/when to introduce my daughter to anyone I date. I can honestly say that out of everyone I have dated in the past three years only one has met my child. I work myself up and worry on when or if I should let them meet until I just decide the courtship isn't worth it. This isn't to say she hasn't met friends of mine who are men, but I introduce them to her because I know they will be in her life for a while. I don't want her growing up thinking that men are these people that just come and go.
*I get stress about if I am doing everything right for her. So stressed. Every mom stresses about this I assume. My biggest stress is that if even though she hasn't been raised in a two parent household she will be okay. I am not dumb, I have read all of the studies on how this so much more the ideal way for a child to be raised and brought up and it makes me worried. I only hope my best can work for her.
*There will probably always be drama in my life. I don't like drama, I hate contention, I hate having the feeling of hate in my heart. Take a minute to pretend you have an ex that you just have a really hard time getting along with and you get to have them in your life... forever... and share one of your most precious people with. It is drama, weather you are the ideal example of co-parenting or not. Kids bring out your mamma bear instincts and bring you emotions right to the surface and as much as I dislike drama and contention I am stuck with it for a long time.
*On the few nights Boston is with her 'dad, I occasionally go out. I immediately feel regret and like I am being judged for being at a social gathering when I am a mom.
*I'm not quite sure where I fit in... I have friends with kids and I kind of fit into that group. I have single friends and I kind of fit into that group as well.
*I actually hate the term, "single mom" I think society has associated a bad stigma to it.
*I will admit I am probably one of the number one helicopter parents to exist... so, on the occasions Boston isn't with me I get anxiety that I have had to actually go to a Dr for. Just because you aren't with your child at the moment doesn't mean you don't have them on your mind and you aren't worried about them... in fact you probably worry more.
Those were the few I could come up with and share for now without making myself seem too neurotic but I just wanted to share them. Mom's I feel like have a lot of the same stress issues.... we are tired, we need alone time, we are stressed about keeping the schedule straight on what day each lesson or class is, we worry about money, we worry if we are 'mom' enough to our children, we compare ourselves to supermom we see on social media, we cave and give our children chips when they wont finish their apple.... (I only hit the tip of mom stresses with that so if you have mom stresses send them to me so I feel more justified in mine).
Anyways, sorry for my Saturday morning rambling... Mom life is hard, single mom life is overwhelming. But, I know from my short time of doing it that it is what I need. It gives me the fulfillment in life I was longing for. The other day someone asked me what it was someone asked me what it was I really liked about being a mom. I answered that their are so many things I like about it but the best thing is that I have this person who loves me and needs me no matter what I do or how big of a failure I feel like I am at time. Whether you are married, single or anything else mom life is great... it is amazing and chaotic at the same time. Even though single parenthood has come with it's own set of struggles I wouldn't change it for anything.
XO:
Ashlynn
No comments:
Post a Comment