Baby Steps

I was angry. Angry for almost four years. Don't get me wrong I had so much to be happy for... My beautiful Boston, my super supportive family, good friends, a good job but I still had anger. I built up walls and pushed good things away because I wanted to prove to the world I was hurt and angry.

In my head motherhood had become my defining characteristic but a lot of times it was overshadowed by my sadness. And a lot of people liked it, I guess drama makes for the best content. If I forgive people it doesn't mean that I will never remember the past and how painful it was but it can make such a brighter future.

I brought my daughter into this world being born with parents who weren't together... And, it tore at me with so much guilt. This week I started realizing although I wish I could blame every bad outcome over the past few years on her dad I needed to take responsibilities for my part in it. I could chose to fight for the rest of my life and her dad would lose and I would lose but the one who would lose the worst would be our daughter. This week I had Boston sit in the car and play on my phone while I spoke to him.  The discussion was hard but healing. I don't need to go into depth of what was said but I will tell you that their was a little four year old sitting in the car with her eyes glued to BOTH of her parents because in her life time she had never once witnessed them talk and get along and that is no way for her to grow up. 

I have always been good at mean remarks. I can cut people exactly where I know it wil hurt them. When I would do this it would give me maybe ten seconds of a feeling of victory but followed by so much regret. I am not that mean person. My parents raised me so much better and it hurt when I realized I had hurt someone. After that talk I felt more at peace. And, that feeling was so so much better than my ten seconds of feeling victorious.

I reference Disney movies a lot... Well, because we watch a plethora of them around here. But Rafiki, from 'The Lion King' said, "Oh, yes, the past can hurt but we can either run from it or learn from it." I am ready to stop running.

I guess what I am really saying to those that have been following my blog for years is that I have made peace. I am happy. I am working on seeing things through different perspectives. And, although it is a hard process full of baby's steps I am forever grateful for it. Trials make you stronger, but they also make you so much more appcriative of the good times. I am happy. And,

I can't wait to actually share that. Tough times don't last but tough people do. Good things happen when you are patient and pray. I promise.

XO:

Ashlynn Bronson 

Baby Steps. I inniciated this conversation because I was finally ready and it felt okay. My only thing I dislike about this picture is that Boston and I had just got back from the pool and I  look like a scrub and Tonya looks beautiful. And then I realized I was comparing us and enough people compare us at it is. We can both be great in our own ways.