If you read the title you are probably thinking, "Shut up, Ashlynn. You have only been married two months." Let me remind everyone that I turned 30 this year (shout out to my parents for giving me genes to help me not look as old as I am). I have been able to see some dang good marriage in my 30 years I am writing this thinking about things I have learned from them and my own previous marriage that I want to make sure I imply in mine and Tanners.
•Keep your previous relationships out of your new and current marriage. It's easier said than done, especially when in mine and Tanner's case our we share children with a previous partner. I remember my grandparents, who literally are two of the best people who I have I known and loved each other immensely , would have a disagreement. They would be mid-argument and my grandpa would bring up the boyfriend my grandma had right before they got together... literally fifty years prior to that moment. When he would do this I would think to myself, "Grandpa, get your shit together, this guy she dated fifty years ago is probably wrinkled and grey. You have 4 kids and 17 grandkids together." I have to accept Tanner and I aren't 16 years old and we both have pasts... but, that's all they are and we need to let them stay there.
•Never stop doing sweet little things for your significant other. Tanner loves Pokémon so, every time I am at a store and see socks or a hat or any novelty with that darn little yellow guy, who I have no clue who it is other than I see him on the pictures for Pokémon, I stop
and buy it and surprise Tanner by putting it in his car while he is at work. I have gotten more surprise flowers from Tanner in our relationship than I have in my entire life. I have watched my parents marriage and admired it (and kind of gagged about their cuteness) for years. My dad is always doing such sweet surprises for my mom and my mom for my dad. I don't think their has ever been a December at their household without poinsettia's, that my mom loves, on the table.
and buy it and surprise Tanner by putting it in his car while he is at work. I have gotten more surprise flowers from Tanner in our relationship than I have in my entire life. I have watched my parents marriage and admired it (and kind of gagged about their cuteness) for years. My dad is always doing such sweet surprises for my mom and my mom for my dad. I don't think their has ever been a December at their household without poinsettia's, that my mom loves, on the table.
•Support what they love... even if it isn't something that is your favorite. My sister, Alicia, probably cares about hunting less than any human I know. But, her husband, Rob, loves it. She doesn't complain and she encourages his passion. I can say that was a big problem, on my part, between Mr. Dance, my first husband and I. And now, looking back, in retrospect, I realize I could have been so much more supportive of his hobbies and passions rather than being annoyed by the time of his they took.
•Be each other's biggest fan/support system. My brother-in-law, Kyle, was in his mid thirties and his job wasn't something he loved, he wanted something more, he wanted to be his own boss. Instead of telling him he was crazy, it was a huge risk and that they were already so far into their adult life to change my sister, Emily, supported him 100%. She thinks her husband walks on water and she was willing to do whatever she could to help Kyle accomplish his dreams. And, ya know what, right now they have built up a pretty successful company. Together.
•I have always heard people say, "Always say you love each other before going to bed" or "don't go to sleep angry". That's something I need to work on. The main reason for me is because after 9:30 I become somewhat of an irrational person and I am going to make an argument about 55% worse than it needs to
be. I think just saying that you love each other and the two of you can talk it over together the following day helps bring down a fight. With that being said Pick your battles. Yeah, Tanner puts his dirty clothes right next to the laundry basket instead of it in and I leave the bathroom floor really wet after I shower but most of the time peace is better than being right.
be. I think just saying that you love each other and the two of you can talk it over together the following day helps bring down a fight. With that being said Pick your battles. Yeah, Tanner puts his dirty clothes right next to the laundry basket instead of it in and I leave the bathroom floor really wet after I shower but most of the time peace is better than being right.
So, there it is. Me spouting out advice that I have seen in other people's successful marriages and hoping I can apply those things to my own. Marriage is tough. Like for real it's hard. But, the best thing about it is you're not doing it alone, you have a teammate. Being a team player is important. That BS quote about their being no I in team is annoyingly right in the case of a good marriage.
We have A LOT to do to make sure our marriage is a good one. I want to set an amazing example of what a good relationship is for our kids, just like my parents did for me. I want Tanner to always be my best friend, give me butterflies, laugh with me at stupid inside jokes and be my main support for the hard times. So, I guess I have a BIG favor... if you read this and you have something in your own marriage that works great I would love to hear about it. Leave me a comment. I'm all for learning new things, knowledge is power, right?
XO,
Ashlynn
PS. Sugar Rush Photography is amazing. They got our wedding video back to us and I absolutely LOVE the crap out of it and wanted to share.
https://vimeo.com/19132454Our wedding video
https://vimeo.com/19132454Our wedding video
Pick your battles. Somethings are just not worth fighting or arguing about. That's what I've learned in my 5 months of marriage so far.:)
ReplyDeleteNever stop dating. I married my wife, but she will always be my girlfriend. I will always to the little things, I will always surprise her. We will find humor in just about everything. When things are not going my way, I will always at least have her and her love. Nothing else really matters to me when it gets down to brass tacks.
ReplyDeleteCommunication! I still struggle with this 8 years later. I expect him to read my mind or pick up on my hints, but men aren't like women and they need to hear exactly what we mean. 'Do what I meant, not what I said' doesn't work, I find if I express my feelings, and the exact things I'd like him to do then we have better communication and understanding of one another. Marriage is hard! And I'm finding it kind of gets harder as time goes on, it's definitely something you can't slack off on and have to always work on it
ReplyDeleteThe biggest thing I've had to learn in my marriage is to "learn how to fight". It might sound weird but i use to be really mean and hurtful when fighting. I would say anything and everything to hurt him until one day he told me that I really hurt his feelings when I yell and name call. It hit me hard. Since then I've worked on fighting fair. I try to explain my feelings and frustrations rather than just lashing out.. It's inevitable that we're going to fight, but I can fight with resolution in mind now.. Before I just wanted to hit below the belt. I hope this rambling makes sense. I love the advice you shared here! ��
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