No More Sad Songs

I am a hoarder of music... which I feel isn't really an uncommon thing, I haven't ever met anyone with the outlook of disliking music. I mean what would their be to dislike about it, right?

I have a bad habit or repeating songs... A LOT... I lived with these two boys, Dayne and Sam, for a couple years, and they would get so sick of it. I would find a song I loved at the moment and it would be on repeat over and over and over again. They would call it the 'Ashlynn Song of the Week, since they were forced to hear it through the house all day. Because of this with every song I have in my music library I have a memory attached to it, sort of like its my own personal soundtrack to pieces of my life. The other day a few of us were going through my songs and laughing at each memory associated with it. I can't listen to the song, Genie in a Bottle, by Christina Aguilera, without remembering my seventh grade boyfriend, (of two weeks) Judd. When I hear the song, Forever, by Papa Roach, I reminisce about getting a tattoo (in Vegas) since that's what was playing when I got and feeling like I was so hardcore, the last word anyone would ever use to describe me. Without fail, Teenage Dream, by Katy Perry makes me remember Boston's 'dad, since he would sing that to me. My mom and I would always belt out, A Broken Wing, by Martina McBride, when we were driving around. And, You are my Sunshine, will always be mine and Boston's jam, since I have been singing it to her since I was pregnant with her.

Most of these memories are pretty good ones and they bring a smile to my face but occasionally I will have a song that when my music is on shuffle take me back to a hard time and a memory I wish I could escape from. Whenever any of my 'sad songs' pop up randomly it usually always puts a damper on whatever mood I was in and I am back there in that moment. Sometimes they aren't even that sad of songs, like Payphone, by Maroon 5, it isn't a heart wrenching song but it reminds me of a time in my life that was pretty difficult for me. I don't know if I am the only one like this but once I listen to one sad song I get in a mood that I have to listen to a lot of them; which is super un-healthy to say the least.

At the beginning of the week I went through the old music library and hid any song with a less than amazing memory attached to it and I can already tell it has helped a lot. I don't ever want to completely vanish these songs from my life, some of them I do want to hear on occasion, but I know that if I am randomly just running errands or on the treadmill they are songs I don't need to hear. If you ever feel like you need a mood booster and you feel like you are in a rut I really recommend this. According to this article that I really liked, Music affects our moods, it is scientifically proven that people can significantly lift their moods just by listing to up-beat music.

So far my No More Sad Songs diet has been going great! If you try it out let me know how it goes for you. Oh, and the title of this post is actually a really good song by Clay No More Sad Songs.

If you have any up-beat, mood boosting songs send them my way?! I would love to hear them.











XO:
Ashlynn&Boston
BRONSON

**If you were'nt able to tell I linked these songs so you can listen to them on Youtube if you want.

***Just in case you didn't know that part of the way I got Boston's name is from the song, Boston, by Augustana, which is m absolute favorite song in the world. I think its so pretty; it was able to transform from a song of the week to so much more.

My Motherhood

If I am to talk about the one thing in my life I have the most assurance in, passionate about and worked the hardest for it would easily be my motherhood. On that same note it is also the one aspect of my life that I am the most sensitive and vulnerable about. 

I didn't find out I was pregnant alone and I obviously didn't get pregnant alone. But hearing the news of it left only one of us prepared for it and pregnancy for me was a sad and lonely time. I went to Dr. appointments alone and soon it became not an alone feeling but a proud feeling that this baby was mine and I knew I could be what she needed and through all of the sad moments, the scared moments and the tears it brought me to the realization that I was stronger than I knew I was.

I will give credit where credit is due and Boston's 'dad was with me while I was in labor (although he got countless phone calls and texts from a girl at the time). During the newborn-up-all-night times it was just me and Boston. To this day if Boston needs something it is me that does it...bath time, Dr. appointments, dinner, being held, play time, finances and everything in between....

Growing up I was never sure what I wanted to do with my life... I have changed my major at Utah State a few times, put in a semester at Idaho State and even completed cosmetology school in the process. Some people would say "you need to do this" and mention something they thought I excelled in or they would say, "you were born to do that" and mention something else that I had a little skill in. Until Boston I was never really certain on "what I was born to do"... Now I realize that I was meant to be a mom, Boston's mom. I never really thought that I would be the type of woman who was defined by motherhood but it's more so as if all previous definitions have vanished. This is why my motherhood is what I am the most passionate and vulnerable about; it is by far the most time-costuming but also most rewarding thing I have put my heart in to. 

I have ALWAYS tried to treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to me. Not because they are nice but because I am. I actually really enjoy being nice to people...I like surprising people with cupcakes on their birthday, I like giving complements and I like looking for ways to cheer a sad or stressed out friend. My mom taught me to be kind, my dad taught me to show respect,  and my grandparents taught me "to turn the other cheek". I will never understand some people's motives, thought process, facade they put on or vindictive actions but I honestly don't know if it's something I would really ever want to understand. 

I guess at the end of the day I need to be thankful that I had good parents and good examples and I need to realize that some people didn't have those good role models. I need to realize that I have seen some really mean and toxic people and I have seen some wonderfully kind ones. I am thankful for my sweet baby, she has certainly changed me for the better. I am glad for the countless nights I do wake up and get to go hold her and sing to her as she sleeps. I am thankful that she is smart and knows who has always been there for her but I am sad she has been through so much in her two years. I may not be able to hold her up the highest but I will hold her up the longest without letting her fall. Having someone continually try to dampen or demean your motherhood is something I wouldn't  wish on anyone... but my motherhood is something I wouldn't change for the world.

XO:

Ashlynn&Boston

BRONSON