Cruel World

My heart has been hurt a lot in this last few years, the pain has resurfaced again this week. I never got to experience the joys of pregnancy like most moms I see and am jealous of. I never got to have the father of my child want to come to Dr. appointments and her church blessing. I wish I would have had the opportunity to take fun maternity pictures but I was felt to feel so ashamed by the way certain people acted. I am Boston's mom I dont know why someone would like to pretend to be other than just to hurt a person. I dont know what she gains from it all. I am sorry that there were two of us who created her and I am in no means capable of paying for a child by myself so to complain about money having to be sent to Boston is so hurtful and demeaning. There are reasons my child will grow up not liking some people and the reasons are growing stronger everyday.

It's sad that this is a game to some people. It's sad that a single mom and her child are something a mean girl would like to hurt. What is she trying to accomplish .. make me sad about motherhood, make me miserable  make me cry daily? This week has been tough. I am sad again. Using a mothers child as a weapon to hurt them is never something that should be done. I put everything I can into Boston's life and it has torn my heart apart what she still does to this day to try to bring me down. She is MY world, she is MY baby. I wish I had a happier post to end the day on but I have literally been in tears all week. The week before I had my sweet Boston I met with my Bishop for a blessing. He asked me how I was planning on paying rent for the month since I would be having a baby soon. I didn't realize that labor and recovery would be so hard on me since I had not anticipated the complications. He offered to have the church help me out with rent that month. That was a one time thing and I never shared that with anyone other than Bostons "dad" since I was so ashamed for having to get assistance since he was refusing to help. Apparently it is funny to him and her and a joke and I have had a message sent to me mocking me for that situation.

I am trying so hard to be the happy mom to Boston that I want her to see but it is so hard when she keeps attacking me and doing things to hurt me. Please send us your prayers and good vibes so I can get out of this yucky phase. Hopefully it stops, hopefully my blog that I started as a private journal for my baby and myself can stop being copied just to make me feel sad. I have always heard that the original is worth more than the cheap second class version but it is still sad that I am a new mom trying to learn how to be a mom and I am being tormented daily. It's a cruel world we live in. I am beyond sick of being bullied for finally standing up for myself and my daughter.

I wish my baby and I could just be left alone instead of a mean person trying to use the most important thing in the world just to hurt me. She is not a game, she is my life.

XO:
Ashlynn&Boston BRONSON

These are some of the nice messages I have recieved from friends and random strangers that know of what is being done to me... I wanted to share because they mean so much to Bost and I.