How I Found Out

Last week I was talking with one of my friends when she pointed something about my blog out to me. She told me she had read most all of my posts clear back to the first ones and in not one post have I ever wrote how I found out I was pregnant with Boston. I don't know why but I haven't been able to get the fact that I haven't shared that out of my head. After all she is the whole reason I even started my blog... So, I decided today is as good of day as any to relive July 6, 2011.

For the previous two years I had been living with two guys that I been friends with for quite a long time; Sam and Dayne. At first just the three of us lived in a house up by the USU campus. I worked on getting them to flush the toilet and they worked and getting me to loosen up a little. The previous summer we switched it up a bit adding new roommates and different house to our lives. Those two along with a third guy, Chance, lived downstairs, while myself and my friend, Savannah, lived upstairs. Some of the best times of my life were spent with those people. I knew I always had an outfit to borrow of Savannah's and fashion advice when I was in a rut. When I needed a good laugh and someone to watch a re-run of Laguna Beach with Chance was my go-to guy. I have known Dayne and Sam for quite a long time and I put them into a different category then a lot of people in my life since they have helped me with so much throughout it. They are two of the most different people I have ever met despite the fact that they are best friends and have been since they were kids. When I describe them to people I use the scenario that if I were to have a bad day Dayne, the logical one, would help me come up with a solution to make it better, while Sam, the emphatic one would help me feel better about it. 

Us five:

The five of us lived in a house located on 'The Island' in Logan and at the time we were all doing our own summer things. Sam was traveling, Chance was flirting with everyone and Dayne and Savannah were in love (in fact they still are, they got married in 2012). At that point I had switched from part time to full time to the company I currently work at and I worked at the salon, The Tuscan Sun, in the evenings. On weekends I usually spent my time in Salt Lake since Boston's 'dad had just moved there. My life was relatively pretty stress-free.. I worried about grades, got caught up occasionally in petty arguments, tried to go running a few times a week... and those were some of my biggest things to think about.

It was a Wednesday afternoon and I just got off work. The night before I got a lot of sleep but I was so exhausted that I went home and fell asleep for a few hours. Sam came up to my room around seven and asked if I wanted to go with him to get some groceries and I opted to go realizing I wanted some snacks for work the next day. It may seem strange that over three years have gone by since that evening and I am still able to remember the exact crackers I purchased that day at Smiths but it will be a day I never forget. 

While in the store Sam made a wisecrack joke when we passed some discounted pregnancy tests and for some reason I stopped and stared at them, having an un-explainable urge to buy one. I wasn't even sure at the time why I was getting once since I had been using a birth control for several months but I just had a gut feeling that I needed one.

We got home and I put my groceries away and showered not even remembering the test. I finally remembered and took it without remembering to look at the result before going to bed. When I had been in bed for a few minutes it popped back into my mind so I got back up to go check it out; assuming to see a negative result. Clearly that wasn't the case and I had to double-check that I was understanding the directions when I saw two little blue lines. I can honestly say that was the first moment in my life where I literally had my breath stop. I sat there not sure on what to do and what I should be feeling. Since it was late I called my friend, Tara, since I knew she was a night owl, and told her to come over quickly. Tara is one of the kindest, most compassionate, and genuine people I know and I am so blessed to have her as such a good friend. She came over and I said the words out-loud for the first time, "I think I'm pregnant"... Her reaction was what I desperately needed, she told me she was so happy for me and it was such an exciting thing. 

The next few days were full of telling Boston's 'dad, countless at home positive pregnancy tests and a trip to the local Planned Parenthood, where I received (the only) false pregnancy test. That turned out to be the most confusing and sad two days of my life so I decided that I needed to see a Dr. At the Dr's office I sat and skimmed through the most recent People magazine detailing all of Kim Kardashians marriage to Kris Humpreys before the nurse came into my room to let me know how far along I was. 

I have had this sitting on my computer in the draft section hesitant to share this and I am not going to sugar-coat it...Sitting in a Dr's office alone was not the ideal way I had always pictured myself finding out I was going to be a mom. The first while I was scared... I was scared on how to afford this adventure, I was scared of judgement (I still have this fear), I was scared of a million things but most of all I was scared if I was going to be able to be everything that this baby, my baby, needed. 

Things worked out... Not exactly how I pictured they would but great nonetheless. I have always been a firm believer that God doesn't put things in your life at the easiest time when you want them but he puts them in your life in the time you need them most. Boston needs me... she needs me to make her food, to comfort her when she has a bad dream, to provide her with basic living needs, she needs me to kiss her better when she falls down, she needs me to read a story to her... so far she has needed me for everything in her life. But no matter how much she needs me it is safe to say that I need(ed) her more. I can't even put into words to completely describe how much she has changed my life for the better. I learned how much my family really loves and supports me. I have been able to decipher the real friends in regards to the people I spent time with. I learned that I was stronger than I ever thought I was. I learned to love someone more than I ever thought imaginable. 

If you go to a fast food place for lunch and you buy a .99 cent hamburger you are going to get a .99 cent hamburger. To get something of better quality you need to pay more, which means sacrificing. She is without doubt worth the sacrifice. She is worth every fear I had, every doubt I had in myself, every day I spent sick while pregnant and every tear I may have shed along the way. Would I do it all over again? Absolutely. 

On July 6, 2011 I got the best surprise of my life and I have been thankful for those two blue lines every single day since.

XO:
Ashlynn

These two pictures were taken just over a year apart.