Fathers Day

My dad, Michael, died when I was young;  I can probably only tell you a few things about him... He was really really REALLY smart, he was really funny, he loved helping people and he loved his family. My dad Kevin joined the family a while after my dad passed away and I am more than 100% positive that my dad, Michael would love him. 

We have never shared the same last name or genetics but he is my dad. He raised me, he provided for me, he makes sure my car is running great, the big things it my house I can't hang myself are hung and that Boston and I have everything we need. He is the absolute best grandpa to Boston; he was the
 one who blessed her when she was first born and is one of the few people I know I can always count on. He is such an amazing dad because he did't have to be, he chose to be.

Some people don't even get one good dad in their life... I don't know what I did to have been blessed with two but I am thankful for it. On top of these two I have had so many amazing father figures in my life... My grandpa John. He took me to my daddy/daughter activity two months after my dad passed; he did so much for me the it would be impossible to put in words how thankful I am for his presence in my life.

Some of my awesome uncles and even some of my moms best friends husbands.. I know I could call Hugh, Randy or Ed and they would help us in a heartbeat. Boston is blessed to also have some pretty good father figures in her life. She loves her grandpa so much and Uncle Rob and Uncle Kyle have always done so dang much for her and play so cute with her. My friend, Sam has been in her life since she was born, he hasn't missed a birthday party, came to her baby blessing, and she has so much fun with him, and she has an Uncle Ryan who has tended her and is super sweet to her. And, I am thankful for Michael for helping me create my perfect baby.

Boston and I love having this day to celebrate and we love having such a wonderful family to celebrate it with. We have already had such a good day. Happy Fathers Day to all of you awesome dads out there!

XO:

Ashlynn&Boston

BRONSON

Boston's 'dad

With Fathers Day approaching I have found a lot of people asking me about Boston's 'dad. Yes, she has one... she wasn't just dropped off by a stork...When I post on Father's Day I want to take the time to post about my own dad but I decided to write this up... These are just  a few of my views on what is okay to say to parents who aren't together.

•I obviously understand that because scientifically/biologically/genetically Boston has a 50/50 chance of looking like both of us. Sometimes I look at her and think to myself that she looks just like me and someone's I look at her and she looks just like him. Obviously I didn't have a problem with him aesthetically so if she has some of his features it doesn't upset me. But what is annoying is when someone will come up to me and tell me that. I'm pretty positive he would feel the same way. Have tact when you are engaging in that conversation with a set of parents who arnt together.

•Sometimes you will want to come up to me and tell me something about him. I will probably listen and I might even laugh. BUT if you have anything negative to say about him, please don't say it in front of Boston. I am hopeful that he would feel the same as well. Bost is two now and she understands a lot. If she has bad feelings towards either of her parents I want it to be formed by her own perception and experiences. Kids now-a-days have enough problems and issues to deal with why would I want to put one on her on top of all of the worldly ones?

•People have asked frequently if him and I fight a lot. Don't ask parents that... And, no we don't. I speak to him six times a year. It is cordial and nothing really more. Occasionally a few times extra if I help Boston FaceTime him on her birthday or Father's Day. If we fought the few times we saw each other it would be in front of Boston and I would never want her to see that... Which brings me to my next point... 

•For a long time I thought I hated him till I realized that for me to fully love Boston as much as I do it would be impossible for me to hate her 'dad. I don't particularly like him a lot, if I made a list of my top favorite 100 people I met.. No, he would not be on there. But out of those 100 people none of them are partially responsible for my baby... So I can't hate someone who is the father of my child.

•I like to give myself a lot of credit... Saying that I play the mom and dad role for Boston... Because for the most part and for now I do. I think we added and last year I had her 98.5% of the time. I am able to give credit where credit is due though and he does have a good job and he now pays child support and I really know that he loves her and when he does see her he tries. 

I heard a saying once that say's, "time heals all wounds unless you pick at them". It's so true... I was wounded pretty bad BUT that was two years ago and I'm past that... Until people bring it up to me all the time; don't pick at my scars. 

•Do I like all the people in his life? No, nor am I expected to or have been given any reason to. It literally has no impact in my life and a very moderate impact on Boston's. 

Boston and I will spend Father's Day weekend with my family and I will probably write about how awesome my dad that died when I was ten and my dad that raised me are.  Do I hope he has a good Fathers Day weekend? Sure, why not, but I am obviously not sending him a card and new golf clubs from Boston. Michael will see her for a weekend in a few weeks. It makes me happy if when she does see him she is happy and having a good time. What parent wouldn't want their child to be happy?...

Basically my life can be summed up by saying it didn't go how I thought it would and that's okay...

It's not the perfect situation but it's ours. As long as I keep on raising a happy, healthy, well rounded child that is the best I can hope for. 

-

Ashlynn 

March 13th

Today is March 13th. Pretty insignificant for most people. Today is the day Michael Lynn Bronson, my dad, died. I don't remember a lot about him, I was only ten when it happened, my biggest memories come from pictures or memories other people tell me about. I have a sweater of his, a necklace, watch, and a bottle of cologne, that i have kept in my drawer since I was 18, the smell is the biggest memory trigger I have. I still take a Pepsi out to his grave on his birthday and Father's Day and now Boston comes with me.

I wish I remembered more about him, I have been told he was really smart and really funny. I remembered the night before he died I went to achievement days, it's a activity group for girls 8-12 in my church, and learned how to cook a chicken dish with mushrooms and onions and I was so excited to be able to make it for him, I never got to. I remember the night before I prayed that something would happen so I wouldn't have to go to my piano lesson the next day since I had hardly practiced. For a long time my ten year old self felt guilty assuming that is how my prayer got answered. I sometimes still feel guilty that I didn't call 911 or anything like that instead of waiting on my mom. My biggest form of guilt stems from the fact that I have never really cried about his death. I have always felt sad for the sadness my sisters and my mom had, maybe I'm not a huge cryer or maybe I block it out since I was there, mostly I assume it's because I was so young.

Before the funeral one of my mom's best friends, Jackie, took us shopping for new dresses to wear to it. The older girls wore darker colors, I picked a mint green dress that tied in the back and was a really soft material. That dress still hangs in my bedroom closet at my parents house. I had such a hard time comprehending that my mom was now a "window"(that's what I thought it was called) and hated all of the awkward stares I received when I went back to school.

I don't remember a lot about that time or that man. I know I was named after him, (Michael Lynn--Ashlynn) and I'm proud that Boston and I both share his last name.


On March 9th it was my dad, Kevin's, birthday. I am so thankful that he was able to become my dad. I sometimes think Michael picked him out specifically for us,, because I know he would think the world of him.

Parents drive us crazy, trust me , I completely understand that. But try to be nicer to them than necessary, tell them that you love them, since you never know when they might just be memory.

•

I posted this last year on March 13th. Death is stupid, I hate it.